UPS Man, Why Do You Mock Me?

I had an idea last week. The wall behind the couch needs a little sprucing up. Sure, the framed painting that is there now is ok, but it doesn’t do anything for me. It’s just THERE. One day I was dining out and was inspired by a large framed mirror on the wall above our table. The mirror was fairly large and had a shelf built in to the bottom of the frame. For a vase or candles & stuff. Eureka! That’s exactly what my behind-the-couch area is missing.

The very next day I received a Pottery Barn catalog in the mail. And guess what? It had the very same type of mirror. And with a black frame that matched my stuff. 3 clicks and a couple hundred dollars later it was mine. In theory. This is when my need for immediate gratification was put to the test. I received an email from the PB, telling me that I was upgraded to 3-day shipping. Well, Pottery Barn, may I please kiss you directly on the mouth? Because at this point, you have fulfilled all of my needs.

The delivery date was set for Thursday, March 09, 2006. Sweet! That’s the day I work from home, I’ll be there! On Wednesday, I got home from work early. Right as I pulled up, I noticed the brown slip stuck to my front door, and the big brown UPS truck driving away. Nooooo! It was here a day early and I missed it! If only that stupid woman on the freeway hadn’t cut me off. Maybe I could have been basking in retail satisfaction at this very moment. But I had to be patient.

Today was the day. The slip said that the delivery would be made between 10:30 and 2. At 2pm the UPS truck parked across the street. Yes! It was here! But then, it drove away. What? But what about me? Today was my day! I don’t understand! I quickly went to the UPS website with tracking number in hand. I was going to get to the bottom of this. In route to destination. Well that’s certainly not specific enough. What street is he on? Why did he deliver to my neighbors and not to me? I have to know his exact location. What if I have to pee? I’ll miss it again. This will not do.

Suddenly I heard the roar of what could only be my prized delivery. He stopped. In front of my house. Maybe it was a little silly of me to open the door even before he got to the top of my stairs. Who cares, I had been through enough. It’s here. Time to unwrap my gift to myself.