Irregardless...

My Favorite Animal Is Puppies...

2011-05-16T16:40:00.000-07:00

Anybody who knows me knows that I love dogs. Almost all dogs, though I am not that fond of the various poodles (mini, regular and/or standard). I have always had rescue dogs, with the exception of our latest, Jake, who is the offspring of our friends' dog.

Given my fondness of all things puppy and, specifically, rescue puppy, I decided a few months ago to start volunteering at the Oregon Humane Society. I promised myself that I would try to take some of the emotion out of the job. As a prerequisite I had to promise Ben that I wouldn't bring home any dogs. For the last few months I have been in extensive orientations, registrations, mentor meetings and dog handling training, but I am slowly starting to learn my way around. I also am slowly starting to feel like I have been contributing to making all of those canines' hopefully short stays at the Humane Society a more pleasant experience. I take dogs on walks, clean out their kennels, give them a fresh blanket in the evening, and sometimes I just sit with them when they're looking sad. It really has been a humbling experience.

Yesterday was an especially rough day in that the heartbreak came at me from nowhere. As I said hi to each dog and handed out treats, I noticed a larger than usual number of medical issues. There were two dogs who recently lost one of their legs. They hobbled to get their treats, tails wagging and smiles on their faces, as if this was just a minor setback. There was one guy whose eyeball tended to come out of its socket. He was super happy to get a treat. I usually don't see this many medical cases at once, at least not in my short stint here. Yet none of these hit me that hard.

Close to the end of my day I had one last row of kennels to visit. I came upon a larger kennel that held two rather large dogs. Both dogs were huddled in the corner and wouldn't make eye contact with me. I tossed them some hot dog bits, but they didn't respond. They lay there, huddling in the corner, guarding their food bowls, avoiding eye contact at all times. When I looked at their paperwork, I noticed that they were 5 years old. I also noticed the following: "Lived in shelters entire lives. Not accustomed to human interaction."

I felt as if a ton of bricks had hit me square on the shoulders. I had to stop to catch my breath as I stared at the card and then back at them. I wasn't expecting this. How can people do this to a dog? They've never known the joy of a dog park, or a swim, or even a camping trip with their human friends. All they know is how to live in a kennel. It was absolutely heartbreaking.

I left the room in a haze. I sort of wandered for a minute, but felt more and more emotion coming over me until it was overwhelming and I had to leave. That feeling would not leave me for the remainder of the day and still hasn't, although it has subsided a bit now that I have had some time to think about the situation. Even though they are at the Humane Society, they are in a better place than they probably were before. They have constant interaction with people. They will be walked on a regular basis. They will have people who come to see them, just to see how they're doing. but the most reassuring thought is that they will be rehabilitated to function as normally as possible. There are so many employees and volunteers there who actually care. They are in a place where somebody's #1 goal is to get these guys ready to go home, and not to another shelter.

After considering never going back, I came to the realization that this won't be the last time I come across this type of situation. But that's OK. All of those guys need somebody to visit with, and that's why I'm there. I just hope that next time I won't be caught so off guard.

Word of the Day: Feeble

2011-04-05T09:47:00.000-07:00

How timely, this is exactly how I have been feeling for the last month: Feeble. It started out, what seems ages ago, with a little cough. That developed into a sinus infection, which developed into a mondo cough, which developed into walking pneumonia. Anything with a silent "p" sucks. Bring on the antibiotics!

So I started feeling a little better, even worked out a time or two. Then came the appointment. Earlier in the year I asked my doctor about a suspicious mole. She recommended that I have it removed. So I did last week. Leading up to the appointment I was nervous, somebody was going to cut a part of me off. Even though that part was definitely not cute, and potentially harmful, it was still attached to me, and somebody was going to cut it out of me. Little did I know that the procedure itself would be the least of my worries. How about the recovery? Nobody talked to me about that! The mole was removed from my left side, on the upper ribcage. So, you know, a part that is constantly moving as a result of standing upright. Good times!

The first night after the procedure was awful. The local wore off and I woke up at 2am feeling like somebody was scraping at my skin with a dull knife. I panicked a little and got up real fast. Then I almost passed out. Then I popped 4 Advil and went back to sleep. After a week, I'm still not right. It's healing, but so very slowly, due to the location. Movement is still limited.

If somebody were to tell me 2 weeks ago what the recovery from this would be like, I would have completely chickened out. No way in hell. So maybe it's a good thing that I didn't know? And if somebody were to tell me last December what my March/April would be like, I would have never left Maui.

On Motivation

2009-08-10T15:26:00.000-07:00

Mostly everybody can relate to lacking motivation at times. You want to get off your ass and do something, but the ass part of you just doesn't wanna move. Sometimes, not going completely batshit crazy is the only motivation that keeps you going through the day.

I have come to realize that the year 2009 has not been very nice to me. I don't know what I did to piss it off so badly, but it has decided to kick me in the ass over and over again.

Beginning in February all the way through today, this afternoon in fact, I have tallied a total of ONE great thing that has happened (defining great as in "Wow, I will remember this for a long time") and 4 life-changing awful things. And by awful I mean health issues and multiple family member deaths. Just when something good finally happens, 2009 comes back and says, "I don't think so, lady. This isn't your year."

And the one thing that has truly saved me from going into a deep dark place and never coming out? Friggin exercise. I'm not prone to depression, but I do get some anxiety here and there. Exercise has truly kept it from surfacing, which is such a god-send considering the circumstances of the last 8 months. I have never experienced so much as I have in the last year, but I think I have dealt with it pretty well. That is definitely due to a great support system that I am very lucky to have. But it is largely due to the fact that I get all that aggression out on some concrete or a bike.

And the new gym that is opening right down the street next week? It better watch the hell out. The year's not over yet.

Sophie

2009-08-05T16:37:00.000-07:00

We got Sophie in 1997, she was 6 weeks old. This is her when we first brought her home. Note how giant her paws were, that was a clear indicator of how giant she would become. She has been with us for over 12 years, the sweetest, silliest, smartest dog on earth. She has moved with us from Northern California, to Southern California to Portland. We've watched her grow into an old lady over the years, her gray hair traveling from around her nose all the way to the top of her head.

Recently Sophie was diagnosed with bone cancer. She has had a limp in her paw for a while now. On Monday she was unable to get out of bed, her back legs had completely stopped functioning. Even when she slept, in her running dreams she only used her front paws. I told B about it, he had to see it for himself before he took it seriously.

That night B came home and had her get out of bed and go out in the yard. With some assistance she got up and stumbled like a drunk man into the yard, falling multiple times along the way. After about 10 minutes they hadn't come back, so I went out to the yard to see what was going on. What I saw will haunt my dreams for years. Sophie was laying on the grass panting heavily, and B was sitting next to her crying. When I asked him what was wrong he simply said, "I didn't think it would happen this fast."

For years and years we made a deal with eachother. Whatever goes wrong with the dog, who weighs 105 lbs. by the way, as long as she can go the bathroom by herself we can manage. Neither one of us thought that it would actually happen. We gave her many chances to get up, we tried helping her so many times, but we could see the look of frustration on her face. Her legs were done. After a few hours of agonizing tears, we made the call to the vet. She would only be with us for another 15 hours.

The next morning, neither one of us needed an alarm to get up, we had not slept very well that night. I got up and decided that Sophie would feel better and we could cancel the appointment. I tried. She tried. She wasn't getting up. She was wagging her tail and eating just fine, she just did all of those things from her bed. At this point she hadn't gone to the bathroom for almost 24 hours. Both of us pleaded with her, just get up, just for a few minutes, just to go to the bathroom. Hell, you can pee on the deck if you want, just get up. All we got was a frustrated whimper. We spent the next few hours sitting with her on the floor, spending as much time as possible.

At 11:30 we both took a great big breath and pulled the car up. B picked her up and put her in the car. He completely broke down at that point. When we got to the vet I went inside while he waited with Sophie in the car. We carried her in through the side door and put her in a room that was all ready with a comfy blanket on the floor. As soon as she laid down she peed what seemed gallons. She had the biggest look of relief on her face. This is when things started to feel very surreal.

The vet came in and told us what to expect. She would be given an initial shot that would slowly dope her up. That should take about 10 minutes. After that she would be given another injection, via IV, and would be gone within one minute.

The first shot was given. I was really happy to see that Sophie was extremely happy. Like happier than she had been in weeks. Usually when we take her to the vet she shakes, but there was no shaking. We grabbed a big bag of treats and just started shoveling them at her. She was insanely happy and hyper. She had more energy than we've seen in months. We kept giving her treats and petting her. She gave us kisses and gobbled up the treats. Right then one of the vet techs who dogsat Sophie about 3 years ago walked in. She came to say goodbye. This was the most touching gesture.

After about 5 minutes she started slowing down. Fast. The treats were all gone and her head started to fall and her eyes got heavy. I was holding her paw, which I noticed was really tense this entire time. In fact, as I remember, it had been tense for about 2 months. It was the paw where the bone cancer started. That paw, and all of the tenseness within, finally relaxed completely. It was at that point that I realized that she could no longer see. So we decided that she could still feel and hear us. And we just talked to her.

After another 5 minutes the vet came in with an assistant. It was time to administer the final dose. I wasn't sure if I wanted to be in the room for this part, but B said that he wasn't leaving. So I decided to stay but not look. So I buried my head in B's arm while he held Sophie's paw. I was balling. B was balling. I opened my eyes and saw that the assistant was also crying. She had never met us before. One minute later the vet put her stethoscope to Sophie's heart and made the announcement in a very quiet voice, "She's gone now. Take your time saying goodbye." And she left.

We got on the floor, said our goodbyes and left.

I drove home as fast as I could. I was about to break down and didn't want to crash the car. As soon as I walked in the house I saw her bed. It still had wet spots from where she drank water. As if having the exact same thought, B started cleaning. First he threw out the bed, then vacuumed the house, she was a big shedder. I got rid of her food, bowls and Costco box of treats. This may sound slightly wrong, but it was extremely therapeutic. After it was all done, it felt better to cry and look at her pictures.

As the day went on, we talked about her more. Every sentence began with, "Remember when Sophie..." And the day just went on and on like that. Funny stories replaced feelings of guilt. We kept reassuring eachother that this was the best thing for her, that she would have only been in more pain if we waited any longer.

This morning was rough. I expected to hear her wagging tail hitting the wall as I walked into the room. But it was quiet. Too quiet. More quiet than I ever remember the house being. There was a lot of sadness this morning.

I had to write this down, just to get it out. It was absolutely the worst day of my life, one that I will never forget.

How I Spent My Sunday

2009-07-19T17:12:00.000-07:00

Living the American Dream. Beer & baseball.

Good Lord It's Tasty

2009-07-11T22:17:00.000-07:00

Today I was picking berries in the yard in an effort to not let anything go to waste. I had just seen Food Inc. last night (if you haven't seen it you must) and was feeling the need to utilize what I have within reach. So, I grabbed the current issue of Real Simple (LOVE):

And made this:

The recipe was originally for a peach crisp but I decided that fruit is fruit, and how can it be bad to make berries instead of peaches! Turns out, I was right. It was damn tasty!

Best Day Evah!

2009-07-09T15:59:00.000-07:00

I'm taking Friday off, just for the hell of it. I can't wait! I have the following planned:

1. Facial/massage at a day spa. Awesome way to start the day.
2. Sidewalk sale at a handbag store 2 blocks from the day spa.
3. A little research at the local library. Apparently the front stairs of my house were featured in Sunset Magazine in either 1998 or 1999. I plan on digging through those archives until I find the article.
4. A little lunch. Maybe a local food cart or a salad from the garden.
5. Bike ride along the river.
6. Sitting my ass down on some grass and reading a book.
7. Seeing a movie.

Who will have the best day ever?
Pointing thumbs at self.
This girl!

Thinkin'

2009-06-29T13:17:00.000-07:00

Ever feel the need to get away and just figure stuff out? I've got a lot going on in my head these days. Things are stirring up in there like a pot of soup that's just about to boil over. Things like issues with my brother, an ailing uncle in another country, issues with friends, how I deal with people, letting people influence my decisions, and how the hell I'm going to sell my house. I need one of those retreats that writers take out in the mountains in a desolate cabin. Let's just hope I don't crash my car and find myself at Cathy Bates' house. Yikes!

Venting

2009-06-25T16:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my brother's birthday. I haven't seen him in 2 years. The last time we talked was the day after my birthday in 2008. I called him. He didn't seem to notice that he forgot my birthday the day before.

During his early 20s he made a lot of poor choices, and as a result, didn't have the best relationship with the parental units. I was always the in-between person who attempted to bridge the gap. My place in the family was the one who attempted to bring them together. This went on for years.

After I moved out of my parents' house he got married. He came to visit me once. From 1995 to, well, now, he has been to one of the 8 homes I have lived in. There were times when I lived in San Diego when I found out that he and his wife spent the weekend just 5 miles from me and never called. Basically he just didn't seem to make the effort anymore. But, since my job was to bridge the gap between him and my parents, I never said anything. I don't really know what happened.

Now, they are in the midst of coming out of a family feud with his wife's parents. Her dad was diagnosed with a terminal illness, which brought them out of the feud and got them to talk again. But, for some reason, now he makes no effort to talk to my parents. It's been so bad that they finally called him out on it. On his voicemail. As a result, there are no calls on Father's Day or Mother's Day or anybody's birthday.

Until about 3 months ago, I still had the will to fight for this. I saw what it did to my mom, how my dad secretly suffered inside through a situation he didn't fully understand. None of us really fully know why he's doing this. He's been called out on it a few years ago and completely acted like there was nothing wrong. He did the same when I talked to him last December.

Now, I am about to give up. I don't have it in me to fight anymore. I've been fighting since 1991. I'm done.

Camping

2009-06-22T09:46:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I went camping for 4 days. I have decided that I am too old/spoiled to sleep in a tent. I found myself envying the people in their campers who were not getting rained on in the middle of the night because they had to go to the bathroom. I also found myself peeking into camper windows in an attempt to catch a glimpse of their TV. But, there were some great parts to it as well.

The Good

1. Camping breakfast - Nothing tastes/smells better.
2. Warm sleeping bag.
3. Properly functioning air mattress.
4. Round the fire drunken conversations with friends.
5. Camping dinner.
6. Campsites with nearby hot showers.
7. Campsites with decent bathrooms.
8. Walking to the beach everyday.
9. Watching your dog run freely on the beach.
10. Taking pictures of your dog passed out after a day of running on the beach.
11. 3 hour nap after returning home.

The Bad

1. Rain
2. Realizing that it's pouring outside while in a warm sleeping bag having to pee so bad it hurts.
3. Going out in the pouring rain to go to the bathroom.
4. Getting lost on the way back from the bathroom in the pouring rain.
5. Clothes that never really dry out.
6. Sand everywhere.
7. Dog almost getting eaten by a rottweiler.
8. Setting up a tent in the rain/dark.

All in all I had a great time. But I may have to start looking into getting a small camper.

My New Summer Cocktail

2009-06-14T21:50:00.000-07:00

Today we had friends over to celebrate June birthdays. It was the perfect day to sit outside and enjoy the yard while sipping girly drinks. I picked some fruit from the yard and decided to use them in a lemondrop variation. I just sort of threw things together and it literally turned into my new favorite drink of the summer. I thought I would share in my joy!

Ingredients:
Raspberries (picked a handful from the yard)
Red currants (picked a handful from the yard)
Lemon juice (the bottled kind, unsweetened)
2 shots of vodka
Ice
2 tsp. sugar

Take the rasberries, currant, ice and sugar and muddle together in a glass or cocktail mixer.
Add the vodka and lemon juice and shake.
Serve in a sugar-rimmed glass. I used a small strainer over the glass to catch the seeds, there were quite a few.

I'm already dreaming about the next one!

I Heart Target!

2009-06-01T08:53:00.000-07:00

This weekend I made the usual Saturday trip to Target. I always "need" something. As I perused the aisles I found myself at a dead stop in the garden/outdoor entertaining section. I felt a sudden inspiration to clean up the back deck and get it ready for outdoor get-togethers. So I got these lime green seat cushions for our rocking chairs and deck benches. They're super convenient, too! Each one has a handle and velcro, so moving them is easy.

And these cute lanterns for the grapevine behind the table:

And some other not as fun things like a sprayer to wash everything down with, and citronella candles, which will hopefully keep the mosquitoes from eating B this summer. It's all coming together nicely with the furniture I got last year.

I look forward to many get-togethers in the yard this summer (I already have 4 planned). But mostly, I look forward to relaxing here.

A 2nd Time Around

2009-05-28T14:05:00.000-07:00

I did something today that I am so happy about. I decided to go back to school for a 2nd degree! Am I crazy? I figured it would come in handy some day. And just like that I hopped online and submitted my application and requested all my transcripts. B thinks this will lead me to become a perpetual student and I'll eventually wind up getting a PhD. Hey, anything is possible.

Don't Judge a Book by Its Cover

2009-05-27T14:10:00.000-07:00

Lesson learned recently:

Never, ever, ever assume you have somebody figured out.

I once thought that Group A of supposed friends had no problems, took the predictable paths in life, were "normal" and therefore exactly where I wanted to be. Whereas Group B had way too many issues, did not follow "the path" and were not the type of people I wanted to be around.

Turns out, it was the exact opposite.

Group A turned out to be boring and very judgmental of Group B-types. Group B turned out to be the most genuine, welcoming and interesting group of people I have come across in years.

Takeaway for today: Don't judge people with issues. They have the BEST stories.

Where Da Hood At!

2009-05-13T10:48:00.000-07:00

I love my neighborhood for the following reasons:

1. If I were afraid to leave my neighborhood for any reason, I would be just fine (at least physically fine, mentally I would be crazy if I were afraid to leave my neighborhood). There are banks, doctors, a dentist, grocery stores, shopping, 2 Starbucks and restaurants all within blocks.

2. If I suddenly lost the ability to use my arms and could not drive, that's ok! All of the above-mentioned amenities are conveniently located within walking distance.

3. I have way cool neighbors and annual block parties.

4. Today is the opening day of our local farmer's market!

PS
The picture above is not of my house, but rather of my dream house. It was on the market last year for over $1 million. Just a smidge over my budget.

I Need a Vacation

2009-05-11T13:47:00.000-07:00

Usually I get a vacation itch when I am having a bad day at work or feeling overwhelmed. Lately I have just been itching to take time off. I have taken a few days off here and there to go camping & stuff, but nothing close to a real vacation. One that includes a plane ticket, a hotel reservation and actual packing for a different climate. Our last vacation was in July of 2007 when we went to Kauai for our 7th anniversary. 2 years ago! 2 years ago the following items were news/current:

1. Instead of swine flu we were all talking about foot & mouth disease.
2. The writer's strike was ruining our TV viewing schedules.
3. Mascara queen Tammy Faye Messner died.
4. The "it" accessory to have at the bar was the DUI ankle bracelet. Lindsay wore it so well while passed out in her car.

It's time, I gotta plan something, it's been too long. Any suggestions on where to go?

Kids are Dumb

2009-05-06T14:07:00.000-07:00

Back in high school I was the girl whose main goal in life was to be accepted by others. I once broke up with a boy because my "best friend" told me that he wasn't cool enough. All in the name of being accepted.

Today I was on Facebook (OK maybe I'm on FB everyday) and got a "people you might know" recommendation for a girl I went to high school with. Looking at her picture, a wave of regret ran through my body as I started remembering how ignorant I really was when it came to people back in high school.

We'll call her Christine. Christine was the perfect girl. She was gorgeous. She had great hair. She played every sport that our tiny all-girls school offered. She was tall. She always wore the best clothes. Her GPA was above 4.0. She was the nicest person on Earth. All the things that make life important in high school, right? Well I wouldn't know it because my perception of Christine was completely skewed.

I assumed that since she was all of these things and I wasn't (or at least thought that I wasn't) I assumed that she didn't like me and wanted nothing to do with me. I made this assumption during the first month of freshman year even though we had never spoken a word to eachother outside of "Hi" and "Thanks".

High school life went by and Christine and I never spoke, for 4 years. Our class had 50 people, so eventually you pretty much knew everybody. I knew nothing about Christine because I was so intimidated and never made the effort to get past it.

During senior year we went on a retreat to Big Bear (a Southern CA mountain community). One of our teachers suggested a group game/exercise. Each person would have a bag or box with their name on it sitting along the wall in the room. Then everybody would write a nice note to whomever they wanted, letting them know what they have learned from that person during the last 4 years, and place that note in the person's box. I got the usual notes from my friends, some acquaintances, some people that I barely talked to. "What a great 4 years"..."Let's keep in touch"..."Remember that summer in Newport Beach?" All the same stuff I would later see in my yearbook.

Then I saw it, a note from Christine. It simply read, "Hi. I know that we never talk, and I'm not really sure why. I think that you are a very nice person. Did I do something to offend you?"

My heart sank. I looked at her, she was watching me read it. I didn't know how to react. I felt like such an idiot. I went up to her, still intimidated, and said, "Thank you for this. Us not talking was me be being totally stupid. It has nothing to do with you. I'm really sorry." And that was it. She said nothing more, I said nothing more, a few days later we graduated and went our separate ways.

Looking back now I wish I could go back and be myself, have fun and not worry so much about what other people thought. I put so much effort into being what I thought I should be instead of just being myself. And I realized that Christine was the person that I should have been all along. She was just being herself.

My First Time

2009-05-04T14:52:00.000-07:00

Get your heads out of the gutters, I'm not talking about THAT first time! No...this weekend I participated in another first: my first official 5k. That I paid for. That was sponsored by a corporation. That involved more than just me running in my neighborhood trying not to trip.

Yes, I finally completed an official 5k. I have been running for a few months now, leading up to a race that I was supposed to run in early March. But as running goes sometimes, I had bad shin splints that I was told would turn into a fracture if I didn't stop immediately. Friggin great.

So after recovering, I slowly trained and got myself back into form. And by form I mean just barely being able to run 5k, which unfortunately does not translate into physical form as one would hope.

Just a few minutes after beginning Saturday's race I quickly realized that the first half of the run (1.5 miles) would be TOTALLY UPHILL. That was a killer. Luckily, for all you brainiacs that have already figured it out, the last half of the race was completely downhill. Which was glorious.

A few observations from a running virgin's perspective:

1. DO NOT HAVE YOUR PICTURE TAKEN WHILE RUNNING. There is nothing flattering about bouncy parts and the look of pain written all over your bright red face.

2. People are freaky! There was this one woman in front of me who ran on her tippy toes for the entire 3.1 miles! Did she not see the other 381 people around her who were not on their tippy toes?

3. The race was a Cinco de Mayo thing, and tacos and beer were served after crossing the finish line. After running over 3 miles at 9am the last thing I wanted to see/smell was a big ass tub of ground beef.

4. Free Vitamin Water is a godsend.

5. My official time was 36:26. Not bad! Almost 100 people were slower than me!!!!

6. I am crazy enough to do this again. The act is painful, but the afterglow is the shit.

Memememememe

2009-05-01T08:14:00.001-07:00

So I was tagged (and a little sexually harassed) by Predo to create a list of 7 random things about me. I'm supposed to tag 7 people but I can't think of anybody that hasn't already been tagged. So, here we go:

1. This usually tops my lists. I am foreign. I was born in Poland and was a political refugee due to the fact that my Dad had political ties to people that communist Russia/USSR did not like. Basically, he was an anti-communist and protested against the communist government. He was black listed, we left on "vacation" and never came back. I was 6.

2. I have known my husband since I was 18. When I was 17 I met a lovely boy named Ryan who eventually broke my little black heart. After slutting around for a year, I attended a New Year's party on the rose parade route in Pasadena in 1993 where I met B, Ryan's best friend. It was love at first make-out session. We've been married for almost 9 years.

3. I'm borderline OCD when it comes to cleaning up fish and chicken juices. My husband likes to fish, and he comes home with gigantic fish which he then guts and fillets in our kitchen. He's pretty good about cleaning up after himself, but I always follow up with anti-bacterial cleaners. I also take all of the kitchen towels and replace them, just in case he touched one of them with his fishy hands.

4. I am obsessed with all things tiny/freakish. You know those shows on TLC like "World's Smallest Girl" and "My unborn twin"? I LOVE that shit. If freak shows weren't so inhumane/politically incorrect, I would totally run one for a living. And it would be awesome.

5. Until 6 months ago I was a community blogger for my hood on OregonLive.com. It was a volunteer thing, but it was really fun to be the in-the-know chick on all things Sellwood. 6 months ago I got a really nasty and personal comment, which typically would drive me to blog even more. But for some reason I completely lost interest in the blog and stopped blogging. I have since been replaced.

6. I am guilty of loving really horrible horrible movies. I recite lines on a regular basis from the following:

Austin Powers Goldmember:
"Over and out you big pile of monkey nuts!"
AND
"The little one doesn't get it because he is shmall!!!"

Nacho Libre:
"Chancho, sometimes, when you are a man, you wear stretchy pants in your room. For fun."
AND
"Cannot we have something different to eat sometime? I have had diarrhea since the Easters!"

7. I love to buy handbags, but can't afford to buy as many as I want to. There is a store in my neighborhood called Tilde, inside of which are many lovelies made by Orla Kiely. This store is along the route on which I run 4 days a week. When passing by, I have tripped many many times because I find myself turning my head 90 degrees to scan the contents of the store window while running quickly by. There have been a few times when a new arrival has literally grabbed me by the spandex and dragged my sweaty ass in the store. Well not literally, but that's how it feels. It's a wonder I haven't fallen down yet. Knocking on wood, today is a running day.

Marriage Troubles

2009-04-30T08:41:00.000-07:00

This morning I was doing the usual ritual before work: drinking my tea while watching the Today show. Matt Lauer was interviewing Ms. California, the plastic blond girl who is now apparently (in her words), "Fighting to protect marriage" by being against gay marriage. To me, this is completely ridiculous. Just then, B came in from the other room and the following conversation took place (please try to read the tremendous amount of sarcasm here):

Me: Babe, I feel that our marriage has been compromised.
B: I know, ever since they started letting people of the same sex get married, I feel as though you and I have been drifting apart.
Me: As if the sanctity that is our marriage is now gone.
B: Because people we don't know and probably will never know or even meet are getting married.
Me: I'm glad we are on the same page.
B: That bitch is crazy, but did you check out her rack???

I love that I married a smartass.

Of Boys and Dreams

2009-04-27T10:38:00.000-07:00

I have this friend, we'll call him J. I've known J since the age of 16. We did the boyfriend/girlfriend thing, we did the winter formal thing, we did the breaking up thing. I've always had a soft spot in my heart for J, it's more of a concern than a secret crush. J has always had troubles with life. He didn't necessarily make the best decisions, he didn't necessarily have the best emotional support from family, he has never had the best of luck. At age 16 we clicked right away, dated for a while, had a mutual adoration. Breaking up was my decision, because at age 16 J's type of problems were an extremely heavy burden on my self-indulgent life. After a bit of anger and avoidance on his part, we re-connected as friends and saw eachother once in a while at social functions. We also have many mutual friends who tell me about his life now. Not much different than back in the high school days. Still making the same decisions, not having the best of luck. The soft spot in my heart remains as strong as always, I tend to worry about J a lot.

Last night I had a dream about J. I haven't talked to anybody about him in a few months, nothing jogged my memory of him in the last few months. It was just a very random dream. One in which J did not fare well in the end. I write this, just in case that by saying this out loud, the bad omen will break and the dream will just be a random nothing. I feel the need to cover my bases on this one.

Spring

2009-04-13T14:49:00.000-07:00

I love spring because I always find new and interesting things in the garden. This guy pops up and only lasts for about a week, and catching him in full bloom is like spotting Waldo (or Britney Spears actually wearing underwear).

Spring for the dogs means going outside and refusing to go back in. Sophie was loving the sun the other day and decided to lay in the dirt for a while, occasionally sniffing the air and growling at passersby.

Willie doesn't care if it's Spring, Summer, Winter or Fall. Where there's a blanket, there's a nap.

Time for Change

2009-04-10T14:39:00.000-07:00

We have a lovely 1922 home that was almost completely re-done right before we moved in. A while ago we completed a paving project in our yard, which I am so happy with. And I believe that Willie approves too, as seen in this pic. We even bought some kick-ass patio furniture, which has been lovely on warm evenings. Now, I've been thinking about making some changes to the house. My dream list consists of:

Granite counters in the kitchen and bathroom
Adding on a porch
Adding a driveway
Cosmetic changes to the fireplace
New ceiling fan in the office
Refinishing the old fir floors
New appliances

When I first compiled this list I got overwhelmed and decided that it would just be easier to sell the house and buy one with all these things. But then B said the following, "But we're so safe here. This is the best neighborhood, we have awesome neighbors and who knows what kind of problems a different house will have. At least here we know what we're in for."

He could not be more right. So the decision was made to stay put, possibly refinance, and get other people to do the work. I'm liking this idea. I may not be able to get all of the things from my list, but a few would be awesome, especially the front porch.

So we're going to the local eatery tonight, whipping out a notebook and making a wish list of improvements. From there we will whittle it down to things that are realistic/affordable. And once all the workers show up, SSG and Predo are invited for lemon drops and kicking it on the deck to watch the workers in action.

Get ready for some changes, little house! Hopefully these guys will be a little more excited!

This Post is Rated PG-13

2009-04-05T12:50:00.000-07:00

I've been out of town on business all of last week. I went to see a very nice and fun client in Rhode Island. I've never been to RI and liked it very much. There was one incident that occured that I have been told that I MUST blog about, so here you go.

***Warning: If you are extremely sensitive to adult topics, please stop reading here. All others, have I got your attention yet?***

On my last night in RI I had just wrapped up 2 consecutive days of all-day meetings. I was exhausted, had a headache and was looking forward to sleeping in before the long journey home. So I grabbed some sushi, changed into my pj's and proceeded to watch Sex and the City. I fell asleep in the middle of the episode where Carrie first gets together with Aidan.

At approximately 3am, I was startled awake by the sound of somebody trying to open my hotel room door. They were sliding the card key in and out, and turning the doorknob. In the background, I could hear what sounded like three extremely drunk girls attempting to get the door open. After a few minutes one made the incredible discovery, "This is 204, we're in 202!!!" At this point they proceed to roll on the floor and laugh directly outside my door for 5 minutes.

After the incredible discovery was made, they went into their room and immediately turned on porn. It was so loud I could pretty much hear every word that was said/moaned. So I began to bang on the wall. This was only met with laughter from my 3 female neighbors. So I called the front desk, telling the lady that the people next door were watching TV extremely loud. She assured me that they would be sending somebody right up. It actually took 15 minutes.

During this time, the porn was turned off. And was replaced by the real thing. The incredibly loud screaming was slightly less loud than the bangining of the headboard and the squeaking of the bed. I was sure at this point that everybody in the 5 story building and surrounding counties was awake. Being completely awake, I decided to text my hubbie, who I was sure would still be awake, since it was midnight PST.

Me: OMG I am not even kidding. It's 3am & there's a lesbian 3-way going on next door.
Him: Dude that is so hot!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not much help in the sympathy department there.

Finally I heard the elevator ding, help had arrived. Peeking out the peep hole I noticed that the help sent from the front desk was a very young bellboy. 17 years old at the very most. Poor guy, he was in for quite a surprise. He proceeded to knock on the door, but obviously my neighbords were too busy to answer.

I decided to get out of bed and pop my head out the door, just to offer the poor bellboy my help. I wasn't able to say a word before he offered the following: "Maam, um I don't think that's a TV." This made me LOL, in fact it still does. Nothing could be done, nature had to take it's course. And it did, over and over again for about an hour.

When I finally woke up the next morning, I decided that they needed a rude awakening themselves. So I called their room, let the phone ring twice and hung up. 10 times in a row. Happy hangover ladies!

Happy Thing

2009-03-24T17:16:00.000-07:00

So for a while now my parents have been talking about moving up to my neck of the woods from their neck of the woods, which is about a thousand miles away (1,004 to be exact). Last weekend they finally did it, temporarily living in an apartment. It's kind of weird to have them come over for dinner and then leave. I still feel like I have to entertain them, I'm not used to the going home part. Typically they would be visiting for the weekend, but now they live 20 miles away.

Well, the happy thing for today is that they just found out that the offer on their dream townhouse was accepted. You should have seen my mom when she saw this place 3 weeks ago. She was like a little kid, "I want it, it's so beautiful!" My dad, the practical one, was thinking about the money. Well, the market being what it is, worked in their favor tremendously. We went to look at the place one more time over this past weekend and found out that the price was reduced tremendously. It's one of the last townhomes in a new neighborhood, so the builder wanted to get out of town. So their offer was accepted this afternoon and my mom could not be happier. I too am happy that they will be in a place they love and are comfortable in. I am also happy that my dogs will have a yard to pee in when staying with their grandparents!

Frustrated

2009-03-23T14:42:00.000-07:00

Ever feel like you've been in the same rut for too long but you don't know how to get out? That's how I feel every single day. Must figure out how to become "un-trapped".

Happy Thing

2009-03-19T16:47:00.001-07:00

I'm taking the day off tomorrow. No reason for it, I just felt like it and I definitely deserve it. So there.

Say Hello to my Little Friend

2009-03-18T09:05:00.000-07:00

It's interesting how much your dreams reflect what you experience in real life. Last night at around 8 Scarface came on the Indie channel. We've seen it thousands of times, but decided to watch. Amazingly enough I did not fall asleep even once during the movie. My typical routine for movies that go past 10pm includes falling asleep several times during the movie, then pretending that I stayed up the entire time. So last night the movie wrapped up at around 11, we went to bed immediately after. When I woke up this morning I recalled dreaming of completely normal scenarios where I had full conversations with complete strangers where I speak like Tony Montana. For example, I had a dream about being at the amazing Garden State food cart in my neighborhood (yes, I dream of my favorite food spots) where the following conversation took place:

Food Cart Proprietor: What can I get ya?
Me: Yeah meng, git me one of them meatball subs.
FCP: Have you had the meatball sub before?
Me: It's good chit, meng.

A few days ago, we watched an exciting episode of 24 right before going to bed. All of my dreams that night had background music.

Am I the only one who incorporates TV shows into dreams? I gotta say, it makes them very entertaining.

My Dog is Weird

2009-03-12T19:04:00.000-07:00

This is Willie, he is one of two canine companions that occupy my home. He is 10 years old, but you'd never know it. We're not really sure what his breeds are. Maybe ewok? He certainly is the most interesting dog I have ever come into contact with. Observe:

1. He HATES squirrels. Most dogs hate squirrels, Willie goes totally crazy at the sight of any squirrel. When I let him out in the yard and there is a squirrel in sight he books it and does this chewbaka growling thing that is hilarious. Then he sits under the tree where the squirrel disappeared and waits.

2. He freaks out when Ben gets the hiccups, but not when I do. At the first sign of a hiccup, Willie's head immediately drops and his tail hides between his legs. Then he does his best to sneak downstairs to the basement as quietly as possible, he almost tip-toes down the stairs as if to not be noticed. He then proceeds to sit down there and shiver until somebody comes to get him.

3. He freaks out when we use the toaster oven, with similar behavior to the hiccups. But this one I can't figure out (not like I can figure out why only Ben's hiccups are horrifying). The toaster oven makes only one noise, similar to that of an egg timer, like a ticking sound. After the toasted food is toasted we have to go to the basement and rescue him.

4. He thinks we have a doorbell. The only time we have ever had a doorbell was from 1998 to 1999. At the time Willie was barely 1 year old. 10 years later, if a doorbell rings on TV he barks at the front door.

5. He knows when we take cheese out of the fridge. Once we initially open a block of cheese we put it in a plastic baggie, we use the same plastic baggies for sandwiches and all sorts of stuff. When I reach in the fridge for a sandwich in a baggie he is nowhere to be found. When it's a baggie of cheese he somehow knows exactly what it is and comes running into the kitchen.

Happy Thing - Day 2

2009-03-12T18:55:00.000-07:00

This sign? This sign on the 99E offramp made me SUPER happy today. Props to the creative person for this...and with a stencil no less!

Happy Things

2009-03-11T15:15:00.000-07:00

See these little guys? These are the fish that spend all day with me. They sit on my desk at my home office, and they keep me sane when crazy talk ensues on one of the many conference calls I attend each day. Lately their bowl has been a tad green. My fault, really. I sit in a very bright room with lots of light, which causes all sorts of life forms to be born within that environment.

Today I decided that I need to do something each and every day that makes me happy. We all need a little happiness in our lives, no matter how small. Life is tough enough what with the economy and the Chris Brown/Rhianna fiasco to deal with. So today begins my quest to do one thing that makes me and/or others happy each day.

And these little guys? They are very happy swimming in clear water. It was a challenge catching them in the frame because they were swimming around so fast!

Time for Change

2009-03-10T09:52:00.000-07:00

Now I have the Brady Bunch "Time for Change" song in my head...the one with Peter's cracking puberty voice!

So I feel the need for change in my life. Work has been ok, I work from home so I can't complain. But I think that I am approaching a time in my life where I want MORE. More fulfillment, more choice, more unique experiences! I have a good friend who had a baby about 6 months ago. He told me that after his son was born that he looked at him and said, "I never want you to do what I am doing, don't spend 10 years of your life sitting in a cubicle!" Truer words have never been said. Yes, we work to pay the bills, we work to feed ourselves, and we work to have medical benefits. But there are those few people out there that say that they love their jobs. Some even say that they would go in to work even if they made significantly less money.

It's time to start some extreme self-exploration. I minored in Sociology in college and absolutely loved it. I love studying social groups, what makes people tick, how people interact with each other. I would even be willing to go back to school to make something happen. What have I got to lose, right?

Work Brain

2009-03-05T21:10:00.000-08:00

After a 14 hour work day my brain does the following:

Work. Almost done. Basketball on TV. Wait did I already make this update? Yes, one more left and I'm done. Oooh nice dunk shot. Wait, did I already make this update? Oh yeah, duh, I just have the one left. Thirsty. Full glass of water on the table. Making the last update, then can shut down the laptop. Did the basketball announcer just say "Come from behind"? Hehe. Come from behind. Thirsty. Glass still full and within reach, yet I don't drink. Last update done. Shutting down. Thirsty.

Shoot me.

Guilty Pleasures

2009-03-02T18:54:00.000-08:00

Internet, I have a confession to make. I am addicted to several TV shows that are completely embarassing and sometimes inappropriate for a girl my age.

The Hills - Yes, The Hills. Embarassingly enough, I watched and was addicted to Laguna Beach when it first came on. Luckily, there were plenty of "get a hold of yourself" moments when I would say things like, "Did I talk that way when I was 16? I can't understand what she's saying, all her words run together." Pass the Sanka, please. I am old. The Hills is slightly more "realistic" in that these people have jobs. Watching Heidi & Spencer and their obvious fakeness is like watching a celebrity in a bad outfit on Oscar night. You just can't look away.

The City - The Hills spinoff with Whitney Port (how sad is it that I know her last name!). I always liked Whitney, she always seemed like the most with it chick of them all. The City is slightly more boring than The Hills, but whatev.

America's Next Top Model - This has morphed from watching skinny tall chicks try to be glamorous to watching Tyra lose her damn mind. Can't we have a makeover show without her dressing up as a fairy princess or faking an accent? I have to thank Mr. Joel McHale from The Soup for feeding my Tyra fascination. I often enjoy a Sunday ANTM marathon. I do love me some Ms. J though!

Flavor of Love - Most embarrisingly of all, I have watched an entire season of this "show". Flavor Flav has got to be one of the most unattractive people on this planet, and the women on that show must be the skankiest skanks on earth. And the combination of the two is just magical.

OMG, my hubbie just asked me what I was writing about, and I told him, and he said the following: "I may have snuk in an episode or two of G's to Gents when you weren't looking." And now I remember why I married him.

Why I Love 80s/90s Rap

2009-02-26T14:15:00.000-08:00

It's gems like these that get me through the day:

"I'm gettin' faded like a flat top."
"She got a gold tooth, you know she's hard core."
"Now that I'm sober you ain't that fine."
“It’s cool to look bummy and be a dum-dummy and disrespect your mummy.”
“I want a girl with extension in her hair. Bamboo earrings…at least two pair. That’s all I need to get me in a good mood.”
“I be working out everyday…thinking of you.”
“I see you at the bus stop waiting everyday. Your man must think it is safe for you to travel that way.”
"So I slipped off my khakis and my gold leaf. Used Oil of Olay, cuz my skin gets pale."

Dream Jobs

2009-02-23T09:16:00.001-08:00

On days like these (which happen to be a combination of a Monday after a long weekend and just sucky times in general) I often daydream of an alternate universe in which I have a job that pays me enough to live comfortably and does not cause me uncontrollable fits of anger on a regular basis. Wow, that was a long sentence! Anyway, following are the items that I would like to do and be paid for doing:

1. Going in to people's homes and organizing their closets/offices. Yes, this would fall under the category of a professional organizer. But the difference here would be that I have no desire to actually teach people to be organized or to even talk to them, I just want to go in, do my thing, and leave. And really, if they are not taught how to be organized, then I can pretty much guarantee myself some return business.

2. Advertising reviewer. Picture Siskel & Ebert reviewing commercials. I have a degree in advertising, so I am sort of qualified.

3. Website reviewer. I've seen so many sites with sucky navigation, broken links and typos. I would love somebody to hire me to be a "secret shopper" of sorts to randomly review company websites and provide feedback. I'd be doing them a favor!

4. Vacation preparation planner. I'm one of those rare breeds that loves to plan my vacations. I love all aspects of it...making reservations, planning activities, making sure the dog sitter is scheduled, plants watered, fish fed, house cleaned, vacation type clothing purchased. I can do it all while you slave away at work mentally preparing for your time off!!!

5. TV watcher. really, who doesn't want to be paid to watch TV??!!!

Anybody hiring?

Back. And Still Indecisive.

2008-09-10T16:19:00.001-07:00

Returning after a long hiatus is never easy, no matter what what you've begrudgingly left behind. That being said, there is nothing more annoying to me than reading about how bad somebody feels for not blogging, and why they haven't blogged in X number of days, and how they're totally committed to blogging from this point on. So I will not do any of that, because there is nothing more than annoying yourself, much less your entourage of 0.5 readers.

Instead, I will start fresh, and share my indecisiveness list for 2008. These are the things that I can't make a decision on to save my friggin life:

1. Having kids. I have an imaginary book the size of Oklahoma listing the reasons why one should not have a child. One would think that would be enough to sway me away from becoming a breeder, yet not so much. Damn ovaries.

2. Going back to school.

3. Starting my own business. The comfort of a regular paycheck with all the perks is far too attractive. Yet since I was little I have seen myself owning a store or bakery.

4. Getting in shape. Actually this should go on a future list called "Non-committal".

5. Writing a book. Oh wait, put that on the non-committal list.

OK, done for now. Peace out.

They Talk Real Good

2007-10-07T17:46:00.000-07:00

In an effort to come up with a creative topic to write about, I realized that the general public can sometimes be your best source of posts. Observe...

From the news:

Female Newscaster: "Hopefully female video gamers will see more opportunities in the future."
Male Newscaster: "And hopefully not a lot of Carpel's Tunnel."

From the workplace:

Employee: "How was your car-buying experience?"
Employer: "I think they tried to pull a switch and bait on me."

Pok Pok

2007-10-04T09:29:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am late to get on the Pok Pok bandwagon. But, in my defense, I was waiting for the perfect night to go, and last night was perfect. It was a pretty spontaneous decision, which made it an even better evening. Four of us waited to be seated for about 45 minutes outside under a canopy. That's ok, the conversation was good and we were excited to finally experience this place.

The inside is fairly small. They have cool metal cups and wood paneled walls. We ordered several dishes, as our friendly waiter informed us that the plates were small-ish and definitely meant for sharing. The special was a whole fried tilapia. It was magnificent. Then the remainder of the food started to arrive. A noodle dish here, some ribs, chicken, a salad and lots of sticky rice. I'm sure I'm forgetting something. This is when the night became a blur. There were laughs and lots of, "Holy crap this is awesome food" comments. Eventually there was nothing left but empty plates and sticky fingers. Yet that didn't last long, as soon as our plates were cleared, we were given wet naps. I was sort of hoping for a massage, but that didn't happen. At the end of the night, our bill came to just a tad over $80 for four people...with drinks. Such a great deal.

Pok Pok is so worth a visit, or two or five. And if you don't have time to wait for a table, there's the shack for to-go orders. I will definitely be back.

Petrified Wood

2007-08-22T20:14:00.000-07:00

I don't claim to know stuff, in fact I will be the first to admit that I don't understand things that come up in conversation. So it hurts my brain when I overhear parents telling their kids things that could come nowhere but straight out of their asses. Take the lady at the beach whose son pointed to a rock and said, "Mommy, pretty rock." It was, in fact, kind of a cool looking rock. The mother then proceeds to spew the following horse shit:

"Honey, that's petrified wood."
"What's petrified wood?"
"It's really old wood that was here even when the dinosaurs were around. The dinosaurs were really large and heavy, so when they stepped on the wood it got buried deeper and deeper into the ground. The more dinosaurs that stepped on it, the deeper in the earth it went. After thousands of years, the wind blew sand on the wood and made it smooth and shiny, which is what you see now."

Thank god the kid lost interest because I would hate to hear her explain where babies come from.

Back to the 70s

2007-07-20T14:34:00.001-07:00

My Dad recently got a scanner and went crazy with the baby pics.

Aloha

2007-07-20T14:31:00.000-07:00

Back from Hawaii, it was one of the best vacations ever. Here are a couple of pics of our adventures.

Peace Out

2007-06-25T20:30:00.000-07:00

7 days and counting. Then I'm off to Hawaii for 2 weeks. In the process of getting ready for this vacation I realized that I need to explore a career as some sort of professional vacation planner person. And I'm not just talking travel arrangements. I'm talking making sure the dogs are taken care of, the laundry is done, and that the waxing appointment is made in time for any unexpected irritation to go away prior to sun exposure. These are all things I excel at. Maybe one day somebody will pay me money to remember their random crap. Only in America.

Dragonfly Sleeping

2007-06-17T21:20:00.000-07:00

Great Weekend

2007-05-28T20:26:00.001-07:00

I love me a 3 day weekend.

Friday: a quick jog and a home-cooked meal while our friend drove up from Eugene.

Saturday: Wine tasting at Patricia Green Cellars. Ordered a case of Balcomb (only 120 cases bottled per year!), which will be ready just before Thanksgiving.

Sunday: Disk golf at Dabney state park in Troutdale.

Monday: cleaned out the shed in the yard and the overstuffed area under the deck, then took it all to the dump. The purging of excessive crap is a good thing.

Found In the Yard

2007-05-12T14:42:00.000-07:00

Weekend In Newport Beach

2007-03-26T18:49:00.000-07:00

Ben had a conference in Newport Beach over the weekend, so I tagged along. I took many naps, visited many over-priced department stores, and went on many beach walks. One of those walks took me to the Balboa peninsula, where I used to spend a lot of time in high school. The boardwalk there is always filled with rollerbladers and people on beach cruisers.

On Thursday the sun was shining, of course, and the waves were pretty small. It was the perfect setting.

As I was sitting there taking it all in, a new friend came to visit. He was a chubby black lab who let me pet him and sat next to me facing the ocean. It was almost as if he didn't want to interrupt, he just wanted to appreciate it all with me.

And then, they took him away. Apparently he was a stray that had come all the way from Huntington Beach, which is a good distance for a guy like him to wander.

The remaining days consisted of a large family dinner, many more naps, and a post-brunch walk on the pier.

Finally, no trip to So Cal would be complete without the artery-clogging goodness that is the Tommy burger and chili-cheese fries.

Lazy Saturday Walk

2007-03-17T15:43:00.000-07:00

Thoughts

2007-03-12T21:39:00.000-07:00

1. Blade 3 - Was it really necessary for there to be 3 of these movies? Really, though, the first one was sort of unnecessary. They use profanities in a very lame way.

2. Filing a work order with IT because your computer screen has a smudge on it is just a teensy bit pretentious.

3. The "new" daylight savings time - Awesome in the evening, not so awesome in the morning.

Ralphie May - Hilarious

2007-03-11T10:58:00.000-07:00

Went to the Aladdin last night to see Ralphie May. You may remember him from the first season of Last Comic Standing or one of the seasons of Celebrity Fit Club. I honestly have not laughed so hard in years. He and his wife performed together at the beginning. When Ralphie first came out on stage and the audience went crazy, he seemed genuinely surprised. He was very straightforward, blunt and totally hilarious. He covered topics like sex, political correctness and his opinions of Portland. It was hilarious when he looked around the theater and made references to the Muppet Show. After the show Ralphie stood out front and signed anything that people wanted to have signed. Totally nice guy. My stomach aches this morning from laughing so hard.

Bitchy

2007-03-07T20:38:00.000-08:00

Today should have been a snow day. Or a vacation day. Or even a sick day. But no, instead it was any normal work day. A work day that made me bitchy by 9am. There was really no single occurrence to cause the bitchiness, maybe it was a series of occurrences that took place prior to the 9 o'clock hour. Who knows. I did my best to contain it and not infect others. I did so by going shopping during lunch. It was for the good of those around me. Really. That and Sephora really needed my money. Thank you retail industry, once again you have saved the day.

A Visit to So Cal

2007-03-05T20:38:00.000-08:00

I spent the last week with my Mom, making sure she was recovering OK from surgery. While there, my Dad took me to Huntington Library and Gardens in Pasadena. I hadn't been there since high school, so it was nice to re-visit. Plus it was a great opportunity to try out my new camera.

10 In Human Years

2007-02-14T21:31:00.000-08:00

The Starbucks People Won’t Like This

2007-02-13T09:24:00.000-08:00

Hi, my name is Agnes and I am a coffee drinker. I have been a coffee drinker since 1998. My relationship with the coffee was the typical right of passage, really. I graduated college and went straight into the corporate world, which included a long commute. I became a coffee drinker on day 2 of my first full-time job in June of 1998. It helped wake me up and adjust to a schedule that my body had never before experienced. A college student schedule is far different from that of an over-worked rookie in the advertising business in San Francisco. I had my stainless steel travel mug that held 16 oz. of the good stuff. The amount never really increased, with the occasional trip to Starbucks for my favorite white chocolate mocha fix. This was the norm for many years. That is until last December.

I was visiting my parents over Christmas. I had my usual cup of coffee in the morning, a little bit of breakfast, and headed out to the grocery store with my mom. Suddenly, I got all jittery and my heart started to race. I tend to have a little bit of anxiety whenever my body does something unpredictable, and the combination of caffeine-induced jitters and anxiety resulted in me wanting to crawl in a corner and rock back & forth until it went away. This happened every morning for 2 days until my mom suggested that maybe I cut down to ½ a cup of coffee in the morning.

This seemed to help. At first. But after a couple of weeks it started up again. WTF! I was already cutting down! I attempted to stop cold turkey. Unfortunately, that’s when the coffee withdrawals started, especially the life-stopping headache that no amount of Advil could tame.

So now I’m down to ¼ cup of coffee in the morning. But guess what? The jitters are back. I can’t win. Do I face the jitters and drink less and less until I’m down to a teaspoon a day? Or do I go cold turkey and face the hammers in my head? Why is this stuff legal?

Mad Skillz

2007-01-16T15:16:00.000-08:00

Snow days rule. On our day off we built a snowman. A 2-sided snowman. We live on a corner that has a stop sign, so we built the snowman to face both the sidewalk and the street. Now all passersby can appreciate him.

Here he is facing the street:

And facing the sidewalk:

Anthony Bourdain

2007-01-15T20:13:00.000-08:00

I've always loved watching Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations on the Travel Channel. How can you not be a fan of a guy who eats pretty much anything and is one of the most sarcastic people on TV. I love this guy. So I was very excited to see that he was visiting the Pacific Northwest on the latest episode of his show. The bonus was a visit to author Chuck Palahniuk, one of Portland's more well-known residents. He's another one with a fascinating brain. Putting these 2 together was pretty awesome. They went to a museum of velvet portraits where Anthony wanted to purchase a portrait of Mr. T. Gotta love his taste. After watching the episode I was this close to getting in my car and heading out for a Cap'n Crunch donut. Yummm...

Dogs in Snow

2007-01-11T18:43:00.000-08:00

Even though I have lived in Portland for a little over 3 years now, I am a southern California girl at heart. This is why I feel the need to take pictures of the snow. It's still such a novelty.

Immunity

2007-01-03T21:21:00.000-08:00

A few years ago I had a really intensely stressful job that caused me to pull my hair out and beat my forehead against the desk every 17 minutes. This was due to the fact that my company's motto had been changed to "Agnes can do that".

My phone would ring off the hook for 9 hours per day and I would receive a few hundred emails per day. All of these communications, of course, were related to an impending deadline of that Friday. It was at this company that I developed anxiety. (Note to all readers: Monster.com is evil).

After 6 years of this ulcer-causing situation, I finally left. Since then, I have had some stressful days...I do work in corporate America after all. But the stress has been so minimal in comparison to the hell that was Monster.com that I find myself looking down on the impending stressful situation and sitting back as if to say "Fuck it." And that has made it that much easier to handle. The issue still gets addressed, but my stomach doesn't bleed as a result.

I highly recommend this approach to anybody who has to face a stressful situation. Sit back, take it all in, and just say "Fuck it." Then go about your way to address the issue. I promise you, it will be much easier to handle.

Quote for the day: "The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care. "

No...Not the Pauly Shore Movie

2006-12-21T20:33:00.000-08:00

Today wrapped up an annual tradition of last-minute Christmas shopping. We had a bit of a sad year, with a death in the family recently. So we decided that it would be cool and sort of symbolic to get everybody these cool little Ecosphere things. It's like a little gift of life.

The Ecosphere dome is a self-contained "biodome" sans the partying losers in the form of Pauly Shore and that younger Baldwin brother. It contains everything needed to sustain life: light, seawater, algae and microbes. But my favorite part has to be the 2 cute little red shrimp that I am hoping will reproduce shortly.

The ball comes on a rotating stand, so you can see your little world from every angle without having to pick it up and causing a massive biodome earthquake. Looking into it I can't help but feel like Lisa Simpson in that one episode where she creates an entire civilization from a tooth and a can of soda.

New Beginnings

2006-12-21T12:03:00.000-08:00

I don't know about you, but I sure as hell am looking forward to the new year. Not to say that I am not happy with the way 2006 has turned out. I mean if you set aside my sudden career change, friends and relatives with cancer and the sudden death of a grandparent...well maybe it wasn't such a good year.

Good things did happen in 2006. I got a new job where I met some cool people, and just yesterday I became an aunt for the first time. Those are good things, so the year is not a total wash. I also got to do some traveling, I went to DC for the first time in my life and more recently visited San Francisco for the zillionth time. So maybe it was more of a 50/50 split. Some good and some bad.

I have high hopes for 2007. I hope to bring new life to this here blog, I hope to start running again (it's like the crack) and I hope that not as many bad things happen as they did in 2006. So is it going to be a happy 2007? You bet your ass it will.

Thank You For Your Support

2006-09-09T11:02:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid, I always loved watching commercials. When my family sat down in front of the TV, they would pay close attention to the show/movie that was on at the time, and then get up and do whatever for the 3 minutes that commercials were on. I was the opposite. I would go in my room, go to the bathroom, whatever, during the main show. Then I would come back to watch the commercials. At the end of each commercial I would always have ideas on how each one could have been better. The doctor could have said this instead of that, the housewife could have been here instead of there. It was no surprise, then, that by the time high school came around, I had already figured out what my college major was going to be: Advertising. I dreamed of using my natural love of all things advertising and creating brilliant pieces of print and broadcast work. I felt very fortunate to be one of the few high school kids who actually knew exactly what they were going to do with their life.

By the time college came around, I was way excited and focused. Not only was I moving out of my parents’ house, I was also learning about the history of commercials and ads, and how many different kinds of jobs there are in the business. It was one of the best times of my life. I even got to participate in a national advertising competition sponsored by Hallmark. Our school placed 4th, the slutty girls from UCLA won first place. I still say it was their short skirts and blonde hair that won over the all-male judges, but that’s a separate blog post all in itself.

My first job out of college met my criteria of a great resume builder: to work at an agency on a nationally-recognized account. Jelly Belly turned out to be that account. This was such a great learning process for me. It was a small agency, so I got exposure to lots of areas of the industry. My 2nd job met my 2nd criteria of a great resume builder: to work at a well-known agency that had done lots of famous commercials. Remember the Bartles & Jaymes wine cooler commercials? “We thank you for your support.” They also did the very first ads for Saturn when the cars first came out. Right now they do the 24 Hour Fitness commercials with the people who wear t-shirts that say things like “To lose my baby weight”, etc. That job was absolute hell. Not only did I have a 90 minute commute everyday, I worked ridiculous hours. I ate 3 meals there every single day. When somebody would leave after a 9 hour day they would say, “Sorry I’m leaving early, but I have a doctor’s appointment.” That shit was ridiculous. I burned out after a year.

After a couple more jobs, I got really skilled in the business, but all of a sudden things started to change. I became jaded. I realized that, yes, I was living the dream of my childhood. I was using the skills I had learned, I was a big part of some really good, creative work. But I was doing it all for other people, the client. Well what good is that? I got very tired of constantly doing things just to make other people happy.

Recently, I went through a life-altering experience that completely changed my perspective on my career. I have achieved what I wanted to in my advertising career, but now it’s time to focus on something else. Ever since I have known Ben, we have always talked about opening up our own restaurant. He is such a great cook, and makes a variety of multi-cultural dishes. I have the business and marketing (and bartending) skills that could make it all come together. So now the focus has shifted. I spent my 20s in advertising. It was awesome and I wouldn’t change that for the world. What I learned in my 20s helped to make a decision: my 30s will be spent saving. Saving for my 40s, which is when we plan on opening up the restaurant.

It’s funny, when I was younger I thought that I was so lucky. I thought that I was blessed with the ability to know what I want to do with the rest of my life while other people my age wandered around trying to find it. Instead, it was just a stepping stone into something else. Something I had never even thought of. Now there is a new dream.

Revolting/Addictive

2006-09-05T21:01:00.000-07:00

I have always had a weak stomach and an innate ability to visualize everything. Because of this, you would think that I would not be able to handle the incredibly dark, appalling and extremely vivid writings of Mr. Chuck Palahniuk. He's the guy that wrote Fight Club. Chuck lives in Portland and has taken me by surprise, I have become obsessed with his books.

Having read most of his stuff like Invisible Monsters, Choke, Lullaby, Fugitives and Refugees and Stranger Than Fiction, I thought that nothing that Chuck wrote would ever surprise me again.

I was wrong.

A co-worker came in the other day and held up Chuck's latest oddity: Haunted. It's a collection of 23 horrifying, hilarious and stomach-churning stories. The cover, as if not creepy enough in daylight, actually glows in the dark. Apparently, when Chuck did a reading from Haunted at the local Powell's Books , several men actually passed out. Fainted! I had to find out why.

Oh lordie. I can't even type it. It made me slightly queasy, although I certainly did not feel the need to be unconscious. But I can totally understand the shock if you didn't see it coming. If you come to a Chuck Palahniuk book reading, you need to be prepared to be shocked. And grossed out. And appalled. I'm talking colons and candle wax, people. And for some reason I keep reading.

Moving On

2006-06-08T14:53:00.000-07:00

As I wrap up the final details of selling my part of the company, I am starting to finally detox myself of the job I have had for the last 2.5 years. Maybe this all happened at a good time. Maybe this all happened for a reason. Maybe I wasn’t meant to be doing what I was doing. I certainly have realized that hindsight definitely is 20/20. Every day that goes by my eyes are open just a tiny bit wider to the wrongdoings that were going on without my knowing it. The universe is trying to tell me something and I’m finally starting to listen.

This afternoon I packed up all of my files in my home office and something happened in the process. I started to feel lighter and lighter. It’s like a cleansing process of sorts. After I finished packing it all, I went to my computer and cleared out all of my work-related links. I took my work blog account off of my personal blog account. All of these little things are making me feel like a new person, like I’m ready to move on. The last of the details will be wrapped up tomorrow, and all of those files and work items that were just packed up in my home office are leaving my house tomorrow. Then it will just be me. Back to basics. No more covering things up, no more stressing about keeping stories straight and making sure that certain people don’t know certain things.

I’ve been going to the gym more. I’ve been walking everyday. I’ve been going to the grocery store and cooking dinner every night. All of these things were originally meant to keep me busy, so that I don’t go stir crazy. Now I realize that all of these things I am doing for myself, as part of cleansing from the last 2.5 years.

Don’t get me wrong, I learned a lot at this job. I was a business owner. But things went wrong, and now the biggest lesson that I learned is to always listen to your gut. Don’t ever let the money and perks stand in the way of your conscience. And most of all, never ever forget who you are. I almost lost these things in the process of thinking that this was the best situation for me. Now as I interview for jobs that people actually want me for I realize that I’m so much better than that. I’d rather be poor & happy than rich and selling myself out.

Purposeful Blogging Hiatus

2006-05-30T07:57:00.000-07:00

Thanks, Lynne, for inspiring the title for this post.

I’ve been away for a while, so let’s get to the juicy stuff. I left my job. I can’t go into details because I was part owner of the company and there are some details still in negotiation. But, there were legal issues and shady business practices that I found out about, so I hauled ass and got the hell out of there before I lost my shirt. Financially, I’ll be OK for a few months, and I have already had one interview. In the meantime, I have been looking for work, cooking up a storm, and keeping the house spotless. If any of you out there know of a job opportunity in the Portland area in Advertising or Marketing, leave me a comment & I’ll send you my resume.

Play That Funky Music White Girl

2006-05-11T12:20:00.000-07:00

I have been a Paul Oakenfold fan for many years. Back in the days right after college he got me through many of raves. Today I was looking around My Space for his music when I noticed that he is about to release a new album. I played his latest song "Faster Kill Pussycat" and was immediately hooked. That's a damn good song. Well guess what? The woman singing on there is none other than Brittany Murphy. The same girl who was slightly overweight and awkward in Clueless. The same girl who was doing it with Eminem and countless other dudes in 8 Mile. I have to say, she has a hell of a sexy voice on this song. You can hear it here.

Trip Recap – Part 1

2006-05-08T18:02:00.000-07:00

My trip to San Diego was awesome. The weather wasn’t all that great but it was still San Diego and I got to walk to the beach, so no complaints here. My trip was mainly focused on exhibiting at a trade show. That took up about 2 days. In between I frequented the hotel bar as well as the local bars in the Gaslamp District. I also got to see the Lakers get their asses whooped. No fun for me. Ben flew in on Friday and we partied with friends. I'm talking Cinco de Mayo in San Diego. I got back to my hotel at 5:30 in the morning. I'll post those pictures later, after I'm done screening them.

On Wednesday night I went to see my friend Carri, who slaved away with me when we both worked for Monster. Now she’s got her own business and I’ve got mine and we’re both stressed in a good way. The most exciting part about visiting Carri was meeting her 10-month-old daughter Kaya for the first time. She has got to be the smartest kid I’ve ever met. She’s already walking, she has 4 teeth and she’s learning sign language. And when she laughs or screams or whatever, she gives it 150%. Every smile was a complete effort on her part. She also rubs her nose when she sucks her thumb. Isn’t she just so cute???

Peace Out Homeys!

2006-05-02T09:05:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I board a plane at the buttcrack of dawn. I am headed to San Diego for a convention with some fun on the side. Wednesday - Thursday is all work and the rest of the weekend will be spent visiting with friends & family. Ironically, the weather down there will be colder than it will be in Portland. Go figure. I don't care, I get to go to the beach!!! Have a good week/weekend!

San Diego Forecast

Portland Forecast

Most Comfortable Shoes. Ever.

2006-05-01T10:01:00.000-07:00

I have been on the hunt for some comfy walking shoes. Shoes that you don't need socks to wear, ones that are cute and airy. My flip flops have been a pain lately when I walk the dogs. They have been rubbing the top of my foot, which hurts during an hour-long walk. Since the weather is getting warmer, I have banned socks, with the exception of trips to the gym. So I found these at DSW (my church). It took me a while to decide whether or not I liked them. But I now LOVE them. They sort of have a ballerina slipper look/feel, and are SUPER airy. No socks needed!

My Dog Is Weird Part 2,349

2006-04-30T09:46:00.000-07:00

No pillow? No problem! A planter will do.

Quick Yet Effective

2006-04-26T13:56:00.000-07:00

Ben has never had email at work. Actually, I take that back. He has never had email that he could either a)receive from outside the company or b)not share with somebody else in the office. In his new-ish job, he finally has regular old email, all to himself. I know that he's always swamped, so I tend to keep my emails to him very short, just so he doesn't have to devote too much of his work time to paying attention to me. But when he emails back it's always something that makes me LOL. Today's emails went like this:

me: My horoscope says that we should play racquetball tonight.

him: That's funny mine says I'm going to kick your ass.

me: Your planets must be in the delusional alignment.

Now They’re Playing With My Emotions

2006-04-26T11:21:00.000-07:00

Sometime around early March I received the following letter in the mail (extremely condensed for your sanity):

EXCITING NEWS..... [MY FULL NAME HERE]! You did it! You are now a semi-finalist in the cutest pet photo contest! After our judging staff compared your photo to the other entries we received, we unanimously agreed your photo of Willie will advance to the final round of judging. It’s not too early to start thinking about how you are going to spend the $1,000.00 Grand Prize!

I'VE GOT MORE GOOD NEWS.....

We have chosen to publish your photograph of Willie in the "Cutest Pets Around the World" photo book. (ISBN#0-9770401-2-7) The book will be a collection of some of the cutest pet photos from around the world and only the best of the best photos are allowed to appear in this timeless treasure. The photo of Agnes has qualified and will be one of our "Featured Pets" in the book. In addition, every book will have a special pet "Biography" section. This is a section set up for you to tell the world about yourself and your photo.

Here’s the deal. I did submit Willie’s picture for a cutest pet contest. The dog needs to be discovered, it’s just a matter of time. So when I received this letter I assumed it was legitimate because I remembered submitting the photo. They said that he has been chosen for a book that will be publishing in the spring of 2006.

Scam clue #1: I received the letter in the spring.

They said that the photo would appear in the book at no cost to me. I could also receive a 50% discount if I wanted to order myself a copy of the book.

Scam clue #2: They’re asking for money.

So I let some time go by and completely forgot about the letter. Yesterday I received an email that was a duplicate of the letter I got. Again, it said that the book will be publishing in the spring.

Scam clue #3: It’s almost May. When are they going to publish this thing already?

At this point I became suspicious. So I decided to Google “International pet owner’s club”, where the letter came from. The first search result was a discussion forum on whether or not this was a scam.

Scam clue #4: When the scam site comes up BEFORE the company’s site, that’s a red flag.

The discussion board didn’t have a definitive answer, and some assholes decided it would be funny to post stories about the horrible things they have done to their dogs. But the legitimate posts all got the same letter.

What could this be about? Are they only going to publish a single book when somebody sends them money? I looked up the book on Amazon and they didn’t have it, but supposedly the company published one last year, or so they claim. I just don’t get what’s behind all this.

So Many Flowers!

2006-04-17T08:45:00.000-07:00

My walks in the neighborhood are getting very scenic these days...

One In The Same?

2006-04-07T10:24:00.000-07:00

Me: Did you hear that Meredith Vieira is going to replace Katie Couric?

Ben: Who is she again?

Me: She’s on The View.

Ben: Oh yeah.

Me: Wouldn’t it be scary if they picked Star Jones instead?

Ben: They can’t do that.

Me: Well thank god for that.

Ben: No, I mean they physically can’t do that.

Me: Huh?

Ben: They can’t have Star Jones and Al Roker in the same room at the same time.

Me: Do they not like each other?

Ben: No, they are the same person.

Who Wants To Be A Today Show Host?

2006-04-06T09:23:00.000-07:00

I have to say that I will greatly miss Katie Couric on the Today show. I love the chemistry she has with Matt & Al. I do, however, think she’ll do OK on the evening news and on 60 Minutes. She has enough experience in journalism that she’ll be able to adapt to a more serious environment. At least eventually. I think it will be a bit rocky in the beginning and that she’ll definitely be scrutinized.

Today, however, it was confirmed that Meredith Vieira will be replacing Katie on the Today show. Say what??? I so don’t like her. Why couldn’t they pick Ann Curry, or Campbell Brown? They are both familiar faces and a hell of a lot better to look at. Maybe it’s just because Meredith bugs the crap out of me, so I may be a tad biased. And it could have been worse I guess. They could have picked Star Jones. Can you imagine? I'd be throwing things at my TV every morning.

I Love Spring

2006-04-05T12:26:00.000-07:00

Weekends Are Good…Mondays Are So-So

2006-04-03T13:26:00.000-07:00

What a busy but fun weekend! On Friday we went to dinner. Wine is good. So is walking home.

Saturday was the first day of the Portland Farmer’s Market. Last year, Ben had to work on Saturdays, so I always went by myself. This year we get to go together, which is more fun. We got tons of fresh veggies, local cheese, a big loaf of just-baked bread and some killer tortilla soup.

*note: tortilla soup is a good hangover cure.

Then we went to get our taxes done, which was actually a good thing in the end. We’re getting a refund, and now our hot tub fund is complete. It’s going to be a great summer.

On Saturday evening we went to a friend of a friend’s house to watch the college basketball game. Her brother is on the LSU team but he didn’t play. But let me tell you about the food. She had a cute set-up with the table split in half. The left side was labeled “UCLA”. It has all sorts of sushi, chips & salsa and wraps. The right side of the table was labeled “LSU” and had the most awesome barbecue. I’m talking pork, cornbread, coleslaw and beans. Soooo good. I have no idea how the game went, I think LSU got spanked.

Sunday was dedicated to cleaning. Laundry, vacuuming, cleaning the kitchen. But most of all, it was dedicated to Willie’s haircut. I say it was way overdue.

How Did I Not Know This?

2006-03-27T16:24:00.000-08:00

I found out today that the actor who played Willie Oleson on Little House on the Prairie was in real life the little brother of Melissa Gilbert, who was obviously Laura Ingalls. How did I not know this? Did everybody else know this? And did they feel weird when they pretended to be boyfriend & girlfriend in that one episode?

Forgetting the Obvious

2006-03-23T15:28:00.000-08:00

I cannot reveal who said this, because that would just be embarrassing for this person. Nevertheless, I must share the very brief phone conversation that recently took place:

Me: Hey, do you still have those jerseys?

Him: Which ones?

Me: The ones you bought at the last game.

Him: Oh yeah, I do.

Me: Can you bring them to the game on Friday? We’ll give them away as door prizes.

Him: OK, but there’s one problem. I sort of shoved them in a bag 2 weeks ago and haven’t taken them out. They’re all wrinkled.

Me: So can you iron them?

Him: Um…ok I guess. But I don’t have the thing to do that with.

Me: silent pause. You mean an IRON???

Spring In Pictures

2006-03-20T17:50:00.000-08:00

It's the first day of Spring! I can't wait for those warm evenings when Ben and I sit on the porch drinking beer and heckling the neighbors. Now that's good times. Spring is always a busy season for us. Stuff always happens. Let me explain and illustrate with way too many photos. I don't think I have ever been brave enough to post this many photos of myself for all to see.

Sad News - Ben's childhood cat passed away this week. His name was Bob. He was the toughest cat ever. He killed a baby bird on Mother's Day. You can't get any tougher than that. This is a photo of the last time Bob and I spent some time together. It was just after the famous Mother's Day massacre. He was tired from the hunt so he let me pet him.

April marks the 2 year anniversary of the purchase of our house. This was just 6 months ater we moved to Oregon, and our very first non-condo piece of real estate. Since then we have done tons of renovations, met some awesome neighbors, and basically just thoroughly enjoyed living here. This picture was taken on moving day. It's amazing how barren it looks compared to now. Thank god for Ben's green thumb.

It was 3 years ago this spring that we made our very first trip out to Oregon. I was considering taking the job I have now, but was totally having a horrible time on my visit. Absolutely everything went wrong. We were having such a horrible time that we decided to just say "Screw it" and drove to the beach. We had already decided not to move here, I'm not exactly sure anymore what the resons were for that decision. All I know is that when this picture was taken I had never felt so lost in my life.

Our friend Collin is coming to visit. We have known Collin since college, although he didn't attend our college. His girlfriend was my roommate. We all adopted Sophie together when we were living together. Then Ben and I got our own place, Collin broke it off with his girlfriend, and we got Sophie in the divorce. We only get to see Collin like once a year.

April marks the one-year anniversary of the worst dinner in the history of dinners. We were visiting our friends in San Diego and thought that it would be fun to get all dressed up and go out to a fancy restaurant. 2 of our friends were 90 minutes late. The waiter was rude and treated us like children. The food tasted like ass. One of the people in this picture was incredibly annoying. This list could go on and on. But it was definitely one of the more memorable nights in the recent past...it was that bad. We managed to get the bus boy to take this picture of us, to comemorate the crap that was that evening.

My parents always visit in April. Last year, we went to the Rose Garden. My Mom absolutely loves roses, so I thought it would be fun for her to see a giant city garden full of them. At one point we were walking and she stepped in a big pile of poo. My Dad took a picture of the event. This is why I am so much like my father, we have the same sense of humor. We will always have this picture to remember their visit.

2 years ago this spring, I bought my CRV. I have always driven hand-me-down cars either from my brother or my parents. This was the first brand new car that I bought with my own money. It helped us move into our house. Ben drives it now since I have my company car. But even when I drive my Mercedes, I still miss my CRV. There's just something about it, knowing it's yours.

Finally, yes this is the last one...hiking season begins! Now, I know. Technically you can hike almost any time of year. But spring is the best time for me. You catch glimpses of new leaves and flowers popping up, the air is incredibly clear and fresh and the trails are not as crowded as they get during the summer months. I think Ben and I spend almost every spring weekend hiking. And we always take pictures of ourselves doing so.

Tag – I’m It

2006-03-15T21:34:00.000-08:00

I was tagged by Kiddo. I guess there are people out there still reading my blog!

The rules are, once you've been tagged you have to write a blog with 6 weird things/habits about yourself. In the end you need to list 6 other people to tag and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment saying "You've been tagged" in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

Here we go:

1. I have alarm clock OCD. Before I go to bed, I repeatedly check the time that my alarm is set to. After that, I turn on the music to make sure that the volume is up loud enough to wake me up. I do this at least 3 times before going to sleep.
2. I have a morning ritual. When I get up, I go to the living room and say hi to my dog. Then I look out the window to make sure our cars are still there. We had our car stolen last year, apparently it has been bothering me. Then I make coffee and get in the shower. I do this every weekday. Weekends are different and can vary.
3. I am afraid of soon-to-be-expired dairy products. If the expiration date on the milk is tomorrow, I won’t touch it. That’s just too close for comfort.
4. I love to organize things. Last Super Bowl Sunday I was doing laundry and decided to thin out my closet. So I literally took everything out, made a Goodwill pile, and re-organized everything, including my shoes and purses. One of the selling points of my house is the built-in closet organizational system. It is, indeed, an entire system.
5. I would kick ass if Name That Tune ever made a comeback. I can usually name a song just from hearing the first couple of notes.
6. If there was ever a game show dedicated to Little House on the Prairie trivia, I would be the female equivalent of Ken Jennings. I can usually tell you which episode it is just by watching the opening credits and seeing who the guest stars/characters are.

OK, that was not so easy. Time to tag 6 new victims:

Lynne
Stacy
Christine
Hot Babe
Josh
Derek

My Dog Is High Maintenance

2006-03-13T15:15:00.000-08:00

Willie got his stitches taken out today. While there, we received the test results for the stone they took out of his bladder. It was 100% calcium, which is a genetic predisposition. This means that we have to limit what he takes into his body in order to slow down the process of calcium build-up. This means that he can never have treats again, unless they are the prescription type, (which are way too expensive, therefore he will never have treats again). He will also be on prescription dog food for the rest of his life. But this is the best part. He is not allowed to drink tap water. Tap water tends to be calcified. So, we have to give him either filtered water from a Brita or bottled water. My dog drinks Evian.

***SIDE NOTE OF NOTE***
This is not a picture of my dog, but simply a photo I googled in order to illustrate my point. I in no way, shape or form condone the dressing up of any animal for one's own amusement. As you were.

UPS Man, Why Do You Mock Me?

2006-03-09T15:16:00.000-08:00

I had an idea last week. The wall behind the couch needs a little sprucing up. Sure, the framed painting that is there now is ok, but it doesn’t do anything for me. It’s just THERE. One day I was dining out and was inspired by a large framed mirror on the wall above our table. The mirror was fairly large and had a shelf built in to the bottom of the frame. For a vase or candles & stuff. Eureka! That’s exactly what my behind-the-couch area is missing.

The very next day I received a Pottery Barn catalog in the mail. And guess what? It had the very same type of mirror. And with a black frame that matched my stuff. 3 clicks and a couple hundred dollars later it was mine. In theory. This is when my need for immediate gratification was put to the test. I received an email from the PB, telling me that I was upgraded to 3-day shipping. Well, Pottery Barn, may I please kiss you directly on the mouth? Because at this point, you have fulfilled all of my needs.

The delivery date was set for Thursday, March 09, 2006. Sweet! That’s the day I work from home, I’ll be there! On Wednesday, I got home from work early. Right as I pulled up, I noticed the brown slip stuck to my front door, and the big brown UPS truck driving away. Nooooo! It was here a day early and I missed it! If only that stupid woman on the freeway hadn’t cut me off. Maybe I could have been basking in retail satisfaction at this very moment. But I had to be patient.

Today was the day. The slip said that the delivery would be made between 10:30 and 2. At 2pm the UPS truck parked across the street. Yes! It was here! But then, it drove away. What? But what about me? Today was my day! I don’t understand! I quickly went to the UPS website with tracking number in hand. I was going to get to the bottom of this. In route to destination. Well that’s certainly not specific enough. What street is he on? Why did he deliver to my neighbors and not to me? I have to know his exact location. What if I have to pee? I’ll miss it again. This will not do.

Suddenly I heard the roar of what could only be my prized delivery. He stopped. In front of my house. Maybe it was a little silly of me to open the door even before he got to the top of my stairs. Who cares, I had been through enough. It’s here. Time to unwrap my gift to myself.

Puke or No Puke?

2006-03-05T11:16:00.000-08:00

This photo is an almost exact depiction of what I have been doing for the last 72 hours. Laying in bed, sweating, then freezing, then sweating again, hoping to god somebody would shoot me and put me the hell out of my misery. On Thursday night there was nothing on TV so I took a chance on Deal or No Deal. Suddenly I was vomiting, repeatedly. Now I could blame it on Howie Mandel, in fact I am very tempted to. But, alas, I had the stomach flu. I spent the entire night getting to know my toilet and my bathroom floor on a very personal level. Since then I have only eaten 4 crackers and a piece of toast. But, hey, I lost 5 pounds! OK, maybe that's not such a good thing in this case. Today is a little better, I managed to eat 2 pieces of toast. Baby steps, right?

New Obsession

2006-03-01T12:55:00.000-08:00

I have been visiting the popular video section of Google lately. This is my new favorite thing. Check out some of my favorite videos (some NSFW):

Foreign Family (NSFW)

Worst Job Ever

Jesus On Family Guy

Wilbur!

2006-02-28T08:55:00.000-08:00

We went to see Willie at the animal hospital last night. He had surgery to remove a kidney stone that had traveled into his bladder. They showed us the stone. It was the size of a peanut. The texture resembled a mixture of a peach pit and a lava rock. Very jagged and painful looking. He weighs 18 pounds, so having a peanut sized peach pit in his bladder must have been so painful. They told us that the inside of his bladder is pretty damaged. But, the stone is out and he’s now recovering.

Last night we went to the animal hospital to visit him, he was so drugged. He was in a pretty large crate and had an IV attached to his little paw. His eyes were barely open but he managed to limp into Ben’s lap and immediately fall asleep. It was truly a Hallmark moment. I was really sad to have to leave him and hear him cry as we walked out. Hopefully I’ll be able to take him home today.

Worry...Worry

2006-02-27T10:18:00.000-08:00

Right now my dog is in surgery. I asked the nurse like 50,000 questions as I was dropping him off this morning. My stomach is tied in knots and I’m completely distracted. They won’t let me know how he is until at least Noon, but more likely 2pm. I don’t know how mothers of real-life kids do it. This is my dog and it’s freaking me out.

All Work and No Play...

2006-02-26T13:43:00.000-08:00

Sunday is my day. Ben works on Sundays, so it's a great opportunity for me to spend some extra time at the gym, do some shopping and catch up on my MTV and VH1 reality craziness. Today is an especially gloomy day in Portland. Shocker, right?

I was changing channels today and noticed that The Shining is on. Now, this movie scares the shit out of me, and I've seen it at least 1,569 times. At least. You'd think it would become predictable, and maybe a little less frightening. Oh but no. Those freaky twins, the way Jack Nicholson slowly goes totally crazy. But the part that freaks me out the most is when Danny suddenly sits up in bed and screams "REDRUM! REDRUM!" in the middle of the night. I don't like unexpected, much less freaky things happening in the middle of the night. My sleep needs to be un-interrputed. If I were his mom I think I'd go crazy right along with Jack. This has to be the best scary movie ever.

I have found that if I change it to VH1 during commercials, Flavor Flav's show can easily offset that creepy feeling brought on by The Shining. You know what time it is. FLAVOR FLAV!!!

Zach Braff = HI-LA-RI-OUS

2006-02-23T11:04:00.000-08:00

I love me some Scrubs. Since the first season I have enjoyed the sarcastic humor of Dr. Cox. One of my favorite scenes is when he’s passing by one of the nurses and a quick passer-by conversation takes place:

Nurse: Dr. Cox, would you like a home-baked brownie?
Dr. Cox: No thanks, I’ve already had diarrhea.

That’s good shit, no pun intended.

I also love me some Zach Braff. He’s got that quirky humor that makes him so unique. I love his fantasy scenes and the fact that he acknowledges that he talks to himself in his head. This morning I discovered that Zach has a blog. It looks like it was originally intended to promote Garden State, which was excellent by the way. But he has kept it up, even adding a video post. He even puts some rumors to rest, like that he’s not engaged and that he is indeed the gay love interest of the new James Bond. Gotta love it.

I Put the Wrong Cover Sheet on my TPS Report

2006-02-22T14:00:00.000-08:00

Work has been fun lately. And by fun I mean loud and distracting. We’ve got construction going on. Offices being moved, chainsaws screeching every which way and people being temporarily moved into tiny boxes they are told are cubicles. There’s even a giant hole in the wall.

I’m lucky that my office will stay until construction is done. Once it's all finished I get to move to the other side of the building to an office with an actual window. Imagine that. Daylight! In the meantime, I need to make sure that these deafening noises don’t distract me as much as they have been. I just made an unfortunate grammar error in an email and called it a “jew website” as opposed to a “new website”. I didn’t notice my error until I hit “send”. Oh well. Somebody out there will hopefully have a good laugh. It only went out to 12 people.

Subconsciously Unfaithful

2006-02-20T14:26:00.000-08:00

I've been having these dreams. Very detailed, very specific dreams. About a guy. A guy who is a friend, whom I've known for many, many years. Ever since I saw him over Christmas. A guy who is not my husband. The guy who introduced me to my husband. Am I a subconsciously unfaithful slut?

My Kid

2006-02-16T12:39:00.000-08:00

Got some bad news today. My dog Willie needs surgery. He has a kidney stone that has to be removed. I worry because the vet told me that this type of procedure, where they go in through the abdomen, can leave him in the hospital for 2 days. I know he’ll be fine, it’s just that he’s never had anything wrong with him. Ever. Our other dog, Sophie, has gone through surgery to remove some tumors. That was horrible. She actually cried in pain for 3 days. But Willie is a tough little guy, you would never know that anything was wrong with him. Poor little man.

Crap

2006-02-13T08:45:00.000-08:00

It was too good to be true. Wearing flip-flops in February. Walking to the store without a coat, only jeans & a sweater. Opening the windows in the house. The sun. Yeah, it's all about to change. And just in time for the weekend. Isn't that special. 3 more months until San Diego.

My Ass Thanks You

2006-02-06T12:22:00.000-08:00

I will be the first to admit it. I have a round butt. It's not large by any means, but it has created some issues for me in the way of buying jeans and underwear. See, for some reason, designers think it's a good idea to design clothes either around your waistline or around your hips. But nobody ever paid any attention to a girl's rear end. For example. I have issues when buying jeans. The waist size will be perfect, but extremely tight around my butt. Much tighter than I am comfortable wearing. So to compensate, I have to buy one size larger, which then creates the problem of the jeans being just right around my butt and very loose around my waist. So then I have to wear a belt to make up for this. It's an entire process.

The same goes for underwear. I have always enjoyed nice undies, I am not a fan of the granny panties. But none are comfortable enough and cute enough at the same time. This weekend I decided to spend a gift certificate that my Mom had given me for Christmas. I went to Nordstrom and found the perfect underwear. Boy cut. Why have I never tried these before? They fit like they were made for my bootie. And I didn't even have to do the eventual up-sizing just to accommodate my round ass. I thank you, Mr. Calvin Klein, for having the vision to accommodate us round-bootied girls. In return, I will now contribute to your profits even more than I already do.

LOL-ing

2006-02-06T09:56:00.000-08:00

Waiting on my voicemail this morning:

"Hi, this is (name withheld) from (company withheld). I'm returning your call from July 11th regarding your request for a quote on a brochure. Sorry it has taken me a while to get back to you. If you could please give me a call so that we can talk about the project in further detail. My number is (number withheld). Thanks & have a great day."

So what do you think. Should I wait until September to return his call?

An Ode to MP3

2006-02-03T13:47:00.000-08:00

I have had 3 beta fish in the last 5 years. Today, my latest one died. His name was Mr. Papadopoulos. You know, like Webster’s dad. Actually, they were all named Mr. Papadopoulos; yet they have all had their own unique life stories.

Mr. Pops – The Original

The original Mr. Pops was given to me by my old boss. She always came up with really unique ways to keep her employees motivated and happy in a very unstable and unhappy environment. One day I had finished a huge project for a big client. I walked into my office and there was a fish bowl, with a beta inside and a little note that said, “Will you be my mommy?” I thought that was the cutest thing ever. Mr. Pops was with me until the day I quit that job. He was even there when we left California and moved to Oregon. Well, he never quite made it to Oregon. We had him in a special travel fish container when we were moving. On the drive up to Oregon we stopped in Redding, CA to sleep at a hotel. Well, we had forgotten to take Mr. Pops out of the car overnight. It was late November and really cold in Redding. You can guess what happened next.

Mr. Pops – Take 2

Mr. Pops part 2 came into my life shortly after the original Mr. Pops went to beta heaven. I went to PetSmart and picked him out. I thought he had really pretty coloring. So I put him in the same fish bowl that the original Mr. Pops had and set him on my desk at home. I decided that he would be called Mr. Papadopoulos as well. One day Ben suggested that I put more water in the bowl. I told him that there was enough water in the bowl; if you fill the bowl up all the way the fish will jump out. Ben claimed that the fish was not strong enough to jump out. This turned into a whole big argument with me finishing at, “Don’t touch my fish.” I came home from work the next day to find a fish bowl filled to the brim with water and a sad little dried up Mr. Pops lying next to it on the desk. I had only had him 2 days.

Mr. Pops – The 3rd Installment

Mr. Pops part 3 quickly replaced Mr. Pops 2. We decided to call him MP3 for short. It was also decided that Ben was only allowed to look at him from a safe distance, but that’s all. MP3 sat in a few different places. On the desk, on the mantle, and most recently on the built-in in the dining room. He was the coolest of the beta fish. He was the only one to actually swim into the little castle in his bowl, like it was his very own home. One day a spider tried to get into his bowl. Mr. Pops flared his fins and tripled in size. He was bad-ass like that. MP3 was with us for a while, that is until this morning. I woke up and went to feed him, only to find him upside down trapped in his little castle. He lived a good life; he was with us for almost 2 years. That’s a good life for a beta in a bowl.

Now it’s on to Mr. Papadopoulos Part IV. I have yet to find him, although I’m considering getting him a different bowl. And maybe a new name, but I’m not sure about that.

We Haven’t Done a List in a While

2006-01-26T11:40:00.000-08:00

Three jobs I've had:
Pizza place take-out person
Bartender
Slave for a certain career/job finding website

Three movies I can watch repeatedly:
Rear Window
Office Space
American Beauty

Three places I've lived:
Warsaw, Poland
Vienna, Austria
Los Angeles, CA

Three TV shows I like to watch:
Surface
America’s Next Top Model
This show on the Discovery channel called Going Tribal

Three places I've been to on vacation:
Kauai
Mexico
British Columbia

Three of my favorite dishes:
Nachos
Sushi
Eggplant Parmesan

Three websites I visit daily:
ORBlogs.com
My Yahoo Home Page
Dooce.com

Three places I would rather be right now:
Kauai
Chillin in a Hot Tub…anywhere
At the Beach

Three bloggers I am tagging (sorry):
Stacy
Josh
Christine

The Power of Advertising

2006-01-24T13:10:00.000-08:00

Since I work in advertising, I may be just a tad bit biased. But, I am a firm believer that there are certain ads that permanently permeate your brain, sometimes without you even knowing it, and affect the decisions that you make. Take, for example, the dream I had last night.

It’s mid-day, gloomy and raining. (Apparently the Pacific NW weather has also permeated my brain.) I have convinced myself that I might be pregnant. I don’t know why, I just think that I am. I go to the drug store and purchase a pregnancy test. After I pee on the stick I look at the part that shows the test results. It’s a series of weird lines of all different colors. I look on the box to see what I should be looking for as far as test results go. According to the box, a blue line means not pregnant, and a pink line means pregnant. My line was brown. At least one of the series of lines was brown. The other lines were every color except for pink or blue. They weren’t even in the pink or blue family. I throw the box down and think to myself, “I should have bought that Clear Blue Easy test.” That’s the one that actually says “pregnant” and “not pregnant” on the stick.

Are You Aware That You’re Completely Closed-Minded?

2006-01-23T10:56:00.000-08:00

I was enjoying my weekly dose of People Magazine on Saturday, fully expecting a nice hour of mindless updates on Britney’s baby and the latest news on Branjelina. I usually enjoy reading the letters to the editor portion, as some people really like to rag on the celebrities. There was one letter in this week’s issue, though, that really pissed me off. It was referring to a tiny, 3 sentence story that published the week before on Elton John exchanging vows in England with his partner David Furnish.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“It’s sad to see the world allowing same-sex marriages. If allowed, why not polygamist and intra-family marriages as well? I’m glad that in the United States marriage still holds ground as a true meaning of the word and is not eroded in away.

~ Kiley Garcilasco – Bitter Creek, WY
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

First of all, how ironic that this person is from a place called Bitter Creek. Bitter much lady?

This person obviously has been writing love letters to George Bush, praising him for “upholding the sanctity of marriage” and “not compromising marriage”.

I’m sorry, I don’t recall my heterosexual marriage being affected in any way because Elton John married a man. Am I the only one who thinks that marriage is between people, no matter what their sex is? If you’re in love, why should it matter?

Angry Much?

2006-01-18T14:34:00.000-08:00

An update to yesterday's post about the questionable spam. Turns out it wasn't spam, just some crazy mofo with no concept of punctuation. I still think he had the wrong email address because I have no idea what I could be blogging about that would set this person off so much. When I initially received the email I assumed it was spam. So I replied back. I soon got a response that made me regret ever taking it lightly. So, for your reading pleasure, here it is. Start from the top, I arranged it in order from top to bottom.

--- Kenneth Fluddy - HDI wrote:

i got a std from an operation in a hospital but
i suppose i deserved it you fucking judgemental
ugly piece of shit, please come to ny so i can knock your
teeth down your throat

----- Original Message -----
From: ben_agnes@yahoo.com
To: "Kenneth Fluddy - HDI"
Sent: Tuesday, January 17, 2006 3:20 PM
Subject: Re:

pardon?

--- Kenneth Fluddy - HDI
wrote:

judging from your response your not only an asshole
but your stupid too

----- Original Message -----
From: ben_agnes@yahoo.com
To: "Kenneth Fluddy - HDI"
Sent: Wednesday, January 18, 2006 11:15 AM
Subject: Re: Re:

Who the fuck are you sending me this email in the
first place? I don't know who you are, you obviously
don't know who I am. So why are you emailing me with
this stupid shit?

--- Kenneth Fluddy - HDI
wrote:

I TOOK OFFENSE TO YOUR BLOG OPINION BS AND IF YOUR
GOING TO TALK SHIT ON THE
WEB YOU SHOULD LEARN HOW TO TAKE IT ASSHOLE LOL AND
JUST WHO THE FUCK ARE
YOU JUDGING ANYONE? YOUR A NOBODY MORON LIVING IN A
LITTL SHITHOLE TOWN
WISHING YOUR LIFE MEANT SOMETHING

--- Kenneth Fluddy - HDI wrote:

im suppose its possible that this e mail address is incorrect. if so i apologize, it angered me to read what someone said on the web so lets leave it at that case closed end of story.

Odd Spam

2006-01-17T12:45:00.000-08:00

I received the following email today:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Date: Tue, 17 Jan 2006 15:04:56 -0500
From: "Kenneth Fluddy - HDI" kfluddy@optonline.net
Subject:

i got a std from an operation in a hospital but i suppose i deserved it you fucking judgemental ugly piece of shit, please come to ny so i can knock your teeth down your throat
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now, the only reason I opened it is becuae I know somebody with a very similar name, so just by glancing I assumed this was him. Obviously, it ws not. If this is indeed spam, what the hell is the point? They're not trying to sell me anything. There are no attachments, nowhere for me to click. It was only sent to me as far as I can tell. I don't understand the point. I sort of want to reply and tell this dude that he's a slut, but that may be pushing it a little.